Posted on by Sandeep

Problem of Colonial attitudes in Hospitality

Dress Code in Hospitality

The Colonial Table Reserves the Right to Exclude:

Dress Codes, Speech Codes, and the Postcolonial Banquet

In the age-old Indian hospitality scene, where butter chicken meets British binders, a curious phenomenon flourishes—one serving up colonial hangovers not on plates but in protocols. Welcome to the layered performance of power scripted by accents, attire, and playlists, where even your salwar-kurta might be the uninvited guest.

 The Gatekeepers’ New Clothes: Dress Codes as Colonial Echoes

Long gone are blunt signs declaring, “Dogs and Indians not allowed.” Instead, a new breed of gatekeepers brandish the “Dress Code Enforced” disclaimer like a velvet whip.

Recently, at a shining restaurant in Delhi’s Pitampura—“Tubata”—a couple faced this very modern gatekeeping. The woman, enveloped in the humble yet dignified salwar-kurta, was asked to stay out while patrons parading revealing Western attire sailed past unchallenged. The man’s recorded protest echoed through social media: “They insulted Indian culture and disrespected a woman.” Delhi’s Chief Minister, Rekha Gupta, promptly ordered a probe, calling the act “unacceptable.” The restaurant swiftly apologized, promising no further ethnic-wear exclusions, even offering Raksha Bandhan discounts for the culturally attired.

This incident punctuates a persistent colonial script: Western aesthetics remain the gatekeepers’ gold standard, while Indian attire is either “off-brand” or “cultural contraband”—at best a tolerated exception, and at worst a trigger for exclusion.

The Missi Roti Doctrine: Culinary Citizenship or Cultural Contraband?

Our satirical memoir hails from Delhi’s 1992 Hotel Meridian, where a father-son duo navigates the same colonial playbook. Draped in kurta-pajama and speaking impeccable Queen’s English, the father’s linguistic prowess becomes the ticket past velvet ropes that shun his ethnic silhouette.

They ordered and were served baked vegetable in Continental Restaurant. Missi Roti was brought in from Desi restaurant “Dawat”. Now past the “dress code” barrier, the hospitality knew no bounds in service.

This is The Missi Roti Exception: where ethnic wear is grudgingly tolerated only when paired with elite English and implied power. “He must be a NETA,” another host muttered approvingly, recognizing that power language overrides dress code.

Doctrine NameThe Missi Roti Exception
DefinitionEthnic wear tolerated only if paired with elite English and status.
Trigger Phrase“He must be a NETA.”
Cultural OverrideFluent English trumps dress code.
Culinary OutcomeMissi roti served alongside English soufflé.
Institutional LogicGatekeeping collapses when power is performed.
Satirical DiagnosisAesthetic profiling beaten by linguistic dominance.

Entry to Delhi’s posh restaurants is less about what one wears, more about who one sounds like. The kurta-pajama farmer? Denied. The kurta-pajama fluent English speaker? Revered. The three-piece-suited poet? Ignored. The suit beside a powerful political patron? Admitted.

Waiters Speak Empire: The Accent, The Apology, The Tip

Inside, colonial service scripts play out with unsettling precision. The waiter’s accent is neutralized, rehearsed—the colonial English, engineered not to serve but to soothe imagined white patrons, and signal class compliance to domestic elites. “Sir,” “Madam,” and scripted apologies rain down like perfunctory prayers, ritualizing guilt and servitude.

Tipping becomes less transaction, more tribute. Digital tipping interfaces peppered with folded hands and “thank you, kind sir” pop-ups encode colonial hierarchies into modern UX.

Menus and Music: Fusion or Confusion?

Menus blur regional identities into bland continental or ‘oriental’ catch-alls. “North Indian” and “South Indian” clustered like buffet options for Buckingham Palace, regional gems erased unless trendy. Playlists default to Ed Sheeran in a Rajasthani thali house—because if empire is gone, its Spotify algorithm lingers.

From Incident to Institution: The Contemporary Stakes

The Tubata incident surfaced the sharp edges of these coded hierarchies. As Indian attire clashed with a Westernized restaurant ethos, the outrage was swift, but the underlying bacterial colonial mindset remains endemic. Public pressure forced a reversal, but how many deny entry silently, coded by attire, accent, or accentless attire?

Final Pour: Decolonize The Script, Not Just The Spice

Indian hospitality’s true revolution lies not in spices or soufflé finesse, but in tearing down colonial scripts—from dress codes to dialogue—reclaiming spaces for cultural pride, linguistic plurality, and genuine inclusivity.

So, next time you hear “May I take your order, sir?” with clipped British cadence, or see a “Dress Code Enforced” sign quietly excluding heritage, remember: the table is set, but the performance needs rewriting. Otherwise, every meal is a reenactment. Every salwar-kurta an act of subtle defiance.

And every “sir” is a whisper from the past.

Posted on by Sandeep

West should reclaim parental sovereignty from the State

celebrate Family Reject Corrupt Society.

Let Families Raise Their Children:

A Cross-Cultural Reflection

Parenting is one of the most difficult jobs in the world. It is a role where one learns while on the job. Though the experience of ancestors often helps, every generation faces its own unique challenges, making each parental journey distinct. Parenting is serious business. It does not help when media mocks or trivializes it. It becomes a wake-up call when even foreign governments begin to ridicule the media doing this mockery. This is particularly evident now as Russia openly criticizes Western—especially American—media for eroding family values, or perhaps more precisely, for reflecting the lack of them.

On careful examination, a critical lesson emerges for the West: the balance between state and family in shaping future generations demands urgent reflection. True prosperity goes far beyond material accumulation. It includes a nation’s ability to cultivate human potential, foster self-reliance, and maintain a resilient social fabric. This final “yellow rose” is a direct appeal, born from India’s contrasting experience, to our Western counterparts: please let parents do their job, as governments have arguably faltered.

Parenting in India

In India, despite myriad challenges, the bedrock of human capital formation remains the family unit. Driven by aspiration and deeply rooted cultural values, Indian parents take primary responsibility for raising, disciplining, and educating their children. This foundational social contract remains largely free from pervasive state intervention in parenting. Parents instill ambition, demand academic excellence, enforce discipline, and guide their children toward productive lives.

This family-led cultivation of human potential is a continuous, self-propelling engine—producing generations of resilient, resourceful, and globally competitive individuals. The state typically intervenes only in cases of clear danger, neglect, or crime, thereby respecting the family’s fundamental autonomy in day-to-day upbringing.

Parenting in the West

Contrast this with the trajectory in many Western societies. Often with benevolent intentions, governments have expanded their mandate into the minutiae of child-rearing. Child protection services, social work agencies, and educational institutions are vital for safeguarding the vulnerable. However, they have collectively created an environment of pervasive oversight and, at times, intrusive scrutiny over parental decisions.

Disciplinary practices, moral guidance, and even definitions of appropriate upbringing are increasingly shaped by bureaucratic norms and state-appointed experts—individuals who may lack the nuanced understanding of specific family dynamics or the lived realities of parenting.

The unintended consequences of this overreach subtly erode human capital by undermining parental authority. The result? Less discipline, weaker life skills in children, and rising confusion in youth. More concerning is how this environment makes many parents feel compelled to prioritize avoiding legal or institutional trouble over directly guiding or disciplining their children. In effect, the state begins parenting, while parents retreat into caution.

The Media’s Role: Undermining the Family Ideal

Compounding this problem is the influence of popular media, especially Hollywood and Western television, which has steadily eroded the image of the family as a nurturing, disciplined, and resilient unit. Very few reputable films or television series today portray parenting in a dignified or aspirational light. Instead, fathers are often depicted as foolish or absent, mothers as overwhelmed or neurotic, and family structures as fractured by default. Married couples are rare; divorce, dysfunction, and casual relationships dominate the narrative landscape.

Across multiple spin-offs of CSI, there is not a single functional marriage portrayed among the core characters. In House M.D., the brilliant but misanthropic doctor treats family ties as liabilities. In NCIS, the lead character often mocks marriage and actively avoids emotional connection. The Good Wife—despite its title—depicts a crumbling marriage marred by adultery, a toxic mother-in-law, a manipulative mother, and a son who, after admission in college, runs away to Paris with an older woman, abandoning his family altogether and wasting hard earned tuition fee deposited by mother. List of such negative TV shows is endless.

This cultural messaging matters. It subtly rewires public expectations—especially in younger generations—about what is “normal” or “desirable.” When nearly every on-screen family is broken, chaotic, or mocked, real families feel less confident, less supported, and more uncertain in their roles. Media no longer reflects social reality—it reshapes it, often in ways that devalue stability, patience, and generational responsibility. In this way, the cultural ecosystem itself becomes hostile to effective parenting.

This cultural collapse has been explored in “Hollywood may follow down the cliff after Urdu cinema (Bollywood),” which provides a broader reflection on how glamorized decay can corrode social values over time.

The Loss of Unconventional Brilliance

Crucially, the very children who are often labeled as “delinquent” or “rebellious” are frequently among the brightest and most intelligent. Their non-conformity may not stem from misbehavior but from boredom with outdated systems, frustration with perceived inefficiencies, or from neuro-divergent minds that struggle within rigid educational and social molds.

Consider historical figures like Albert Einstein or modern innovators like Elon Musk, whose unconventional thinking may well have been stifled under today’s regimes of excessive oversight. State systems are often ill-equipped to nurture this brilliance. Instead of recognizing potential, they opt for quick labeling, disciplinary action, or exclusion.

This risks squandering the cream of society—the very individuals who might otherwise become innovators, problem-solvers, or visionary leaders. Losing them to apathy or alienation represents a tragic and irreparable loss of prime human capital.

A Humble Plea: Rebalancing the Relationship

The plea to the West is simple and sincere: Trust parents to do their job. Recognize the inherent capacity of families to nurture and guide their children—even those who challenge conventional norms. While safety nets and protection are absolutely necessary, broad, daily state intrusion into parenting undermines the one institution most capable of raising resilient, disciplined, and ambitious citizens.

Western societies may wish to begin reviewing policies that encroach on parental discretion. Fostering renewed trust in families—rather than trying to legislate over them—can help rediscover a powerful, organic source of national strength.

By stepping back and allowing families to reclaim their core responsibility, the West might reawaken a tradition of human-centered richness—one that no government program, however well-funded, can fully replicate.

Posted on by Sandeep · 1 Comment

Similarities Between Pakistan and USA

Similarities between Pakistan and USA

Surprising Parallels: Observable Similarities Between Pakistan and USA

It’s a provocative thought: two nations as seemingly disparate as Pakistan and the United States sharing a surprising number of observable similarities. Beyond the obvious geopolitical differences, a closer look at their governmental behaviors, societal traits, daily challenges, and public health trends reveals unexpected parallels. This analysis focuses purely on these observable “yellows,” without delving into the complex “chemicals” that may have induced them.

Here are 33 distinct observable similarities:

I. Governance & Fiscal Management

  1. Persistent Budget Deficits: Pakistan and USA governments consistently spend more money than they collect in revenue, leading to ongoing budget deficits year after year.
  2. Growing National Debt: Pakistan and USA exhibit a continuous increase in their national debt.
  3. Significant Budget Allocation to Debt Servicing: A substantial and increasing portion of Pakistan and USA governments’ annual budgets is consumed by payments on their existing debt.
  4. Political Gridlock on Fiscal Reform: Pakistan and USA governments demonstrate a recurring inability to make politically difficult decisions regarding significant spending cuts or tax increases necessary to address their fiscal imbalances.
  5. Fluctuating Diplomatic Relationships: Pakistan and USA, both nations experience “rollercoaster” alliances and partnerships, characterized by periods of close cooperation followed by significant estrangement or mistrust with key international actors.

II. Societal & Cultural Traits

  1. High Levels of Media Consumption of Sensationalist Content: Citizens in Pakistan and USA consume large amounts of media that often features simplified good-versus-evil narratives, and they show a strong interest in dramatic or even violent entertainment.
  2. Widespread Belief in Conspiracy Theories: A notable segment of the population in Pakistan and USA  exhibits a propensity to believe in elaborate conspiracy theories.
  3. Strong Cultural Connection to Firearms: Pakistan and USA societies have a significant and visible cultural connection to guns and weapons.
  4. A Sense of National Exceptionalism: Citizens in Pakistan and USA, both nations often express a strong belief in their country’s unique destiny or special place in the world.
  5. Prevalence of Gambling/Lotteries: Citizens in Pakistan and USA, both countries show a widespread interest in various forms of gambling, including lotteries.
  6. Reluctance to Critically Engage with Foreign Policy/Intelligence Operations: There is a shared tendency among citizens in Pakistan and USA to prefer not to deeply scrutinize or question the foreign policy decisions and intelligence operations of their respective governments.
  7. Presence of Strong Fanaticism Among Segments of the Citizenry: Pakistan and USA exhibit significant segments of their population demonstrating intense, unyielding, and often intolerant devotion to specific ideologies, leading to deep societal divisions. [1, 2, 3, 4]
  8. Prevalence of Strong Opinions on Social and Cultural Issues: Citizens in Pakistan and USA both nations are observably characterized by holding very strong, often polarized, opinions on a range of social and cultural issues, leading to heated public discourse and sometimes social friction.
  9. Impact of Social Media on Political Discourse and Polarization: In Pakistan and USA, societies demonstrate a clear observable trend where social media platforms play a dominant role in shaping political discourse, spreading information (and misinformation), and contributing to societal polarization. [5, 6]
  10. Cultural Influence of Diaspora/Overseas Communities: Pakistan and USA, both countries experience a significant cultural and economic influence from their large diaspora populations living abroad, impacting trends, remittances, and social values. [7, 8]
  11. Emphasis on Material Success and Consumerism / Preference for Global Brands: Both in Pakistan and USA, societies exhibit an observable cultural emphasis on material success, personal acquisition of goods, and a strong drive towards consumerism, often fueled by advertising and media, including a preference for global brands. [9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15]
  12. High Rates of Individual Charitable Giving: Pakistan and USA, both nations exhibit high rates of individual charitable giving, often at a micro or community level.
  13. Vibrant Public Celebrations and National Pride: Pakistan and USA, both nations exhibit widespread public enthusiasm for national events (e.g., holidays) and sports, often marked by widespread celebrations, collective engagement, and the elevation of athletes to national hero status. This includes the commercialization of such events. [16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 12]
  14. Commercialization of Public Holidays and Major Events: Pakistan and USA, both countries show a clear trend of commercializing public holidays and major sporting events, driving sales of related merchandise and media engagement.
  15. Elevation of Athletes to National Hero Status: Successful athletes in Pakistan and USA are elevated to national hero status, with their achievements serving as powerful symbols of national pride and unity. [22, 11, 23, 24, 25]
  16. Central Role of Food and Music in Social Bonding: Food and music are central to social gatherings and community bonding, including shared meals, communal feasting, and the evolution of fusion cuisine in both Pakistan and USA. [16, 26, 9, 27, 22, 28, 29, 21, 30, 31, 32, 33, 12, 34, 35, 2, 36, 37]
  17. Shared Social Etiquette and Interpersonal Warmth: In Pakistan and USA, cultures place importance on respecting elders and exhibit common interpersonal behaviors like hugging among friends as a form of greeting and warmth. [26, 9, 22, 28, 31]

III. Daily Life, Infrastructure & Public Services

  1. Prominent Urban-Rural Divide in Development and Lifestyles: Pakistan and USA, both countries exhibit a clear and significant observable divide between urban and rural areas in terms of infrastructure, access to services (healthcare, education), and economic opportunities, with rural areas generally lagging.
  2. Significant Urban Traffic Congestion and Behavioral Contributions: Pakistan and USA, both countries experience pervasive urban traffic congestion, leading to observable negative impacts such as wasted time, fuel consumption, and air pollution, exacerbated by observable human behavioral contributions like “offensive driving” or “road rage.” [38, 39, 30, 40, 41]
  3. Widespread Challenges with Aging and Unreliable Infrastructure: Pakistan and USA, both nations grapple with significant infrastructure deficiencies, particularly concerning aging systems and unreliable power supply, leading to widespread disruptions and substantial economic and social costs. These issues are exacerbated by climate change and observable political/bureaucratic factors.

IV. Health & Well-being

  1. Significant Internal Disparities in Human Development Outcomes: Pakistan and USA, both nations, despite their differing overall development levels, demonstrate profound and observable inequalities in access to quality education, healthcare, and opportunities among different segments of their populations.
  2. Significant Burden of Non-Communicable Diseases (NCDs) and Healthcare Disparities: Pakistan and USA, both countries face a significant and growing burden from NCDs (e.g., cardiovascular, diabetes, cancer, chronic respiratory, mental health, injuries), with observable disparities in prevalence across demographic groups and strains on healthcare systems to provide uniform access and quality of care for chronic conditions. [42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 13, 5, 47, 48, 49, 50]
  3. High Prevalence of Self-Medication and Associated Risks: Pakistan and USA, both nations exhibit a high prevalence of self-medication, driven by perceived barriers in formal healthcare (e.g., cost, access), leading to potential public health risks, including antibiotic misuse.
  4. Observable Stigma Around Mental Health: Pakistan and USA, both countries exhibit a significant and observable stigma surrounding mental health conditions, contributing to negative attitudes, behaviors, and reluctance to seek help. [27, 51, 52, 36, 6, 53, 15]

V. Institutional & Governance (Citizen Interaction)

  1. Less-Than-Average Voter Enthusiasm in the Democratic Process: Pakistan and USA, both countries exhibit a pattern where a significant portion of the eligible voting population consistently chooses not to participate in elections, indicating a less-than-full enthusiasm for direct engagement in the democratic process via voting.
  2. Challenges in Law Enforcement’s Public Image: In Pakistan and USA, the countries’ law enforcement agencies often face significant public perception challenges, including issues of trust, accountability, and a strained relationship with communities. [38, 54, 55, 56, 57]
  3. Public Frustration with Legal Bureaucracy and Delays in Justice: Citizens in Pakistan and USA, both nations express observable frustration with legal bureaucracy, systemic inefficiencies, and significant delays in case adjudication, leading to erosion of public trust.
  4. Challenges in Critical Thinking Education: Pakistan and USA, both countries face observable challenges in effectively teaching critical thinking skills within their education systems.

References

  1. U.S. Department of State. (2023). 2023 Country Reports on Human Rights Practices: Pakistan.
  2. U.S. Department of State. (2022). 2022 Country Reports on Human Rights Practices: Pakistan.
  3. The Polis Project. (n.d.). Fear and Control of Blasphemy in Pakistan.
  4. Forte, D. F. (n.d.). Apostasy and Blasphemy. Retrieved from EngagedScholarship.csuohio.edu.
  5. Saleem, A., et al. (2024). Congratulatory responses. Retrieved from Taylor & Francis Online.
  6. ResearchGate. (n.d.). Exploring Stigmatizing Discourses of Mental Illness in Pakistani Newspapers through CDA Lens in Psychology.
  7. Dawn. (n.d.). M Asim Siddiqui, who works with a local Urdu newspaper for Pakistani community in Virginia, argues that after 9/11, Muslim populations in general and the Pakistani community in particular felt insecure and preferred to stay within their community.
  8. SCIRP. (n.d.). As a frontline ally, Pakistan shares a long history of fighting with the CIA since the Soviet invasion.
  9. Atta Sabir. (2012, March 22). American Culture Versus Pakistani Culture.
  10. McKinsey & Company. (n.d.). State of Consumer.
  11. Deloitte. (n.d.). State of the Consumer Tracker.
  12. The Sociological Mail. (2017, November 22). Culture of Pakistan and America.
  13. ResearchGate. (n.d.). Exploring the Influence of Brand Authenticity on Consumer Behavior: Insights from Generation Y Consumers in Pakistan.
  14. The CRSSS. (n.d.). Exploring the Influence of Brand Authenticity on Consumer Behavior: Insights from Generation Y Consumers in Pakistan.
  15. TikTok. (n.d.). Exploring Pakistani Markets: A Cultural Shopping Experience.
  16. StudyCorgi. (n.d.). Holiday and Celebrations in Pakistan.
  17. Facts and Details. (n.d.). HOLIDAYS IN PAKISTAN.
  18. Dawn. (n.d.). USA shock cricket world and curious public with unexpected win over Pakistan in T20 World Cup.
  19. TIME. (n.d.). Americans Upset Pakistan in Cricket World Cup.
  20. U.S. Embassy & Consulates in Pakistan. (n.d.). UNITED STATES CELEBRATES 75 YEARS OF PAKISTAN-U.S. FRIENDSHIP WITH PUBLIC ILLUMINATION.
  21. Wikipedia. (n.d.). Public holidays in Pakistan.
  22. Britannica. (n.d.). Daily life and social customs.
  23. E-commerce.com.pk. (n.d.). Major Buying Holidays.
  24. America’s Best Racing. (n.d.). From the Court to the Field— 20 American Sports Heroes Everyone Remembers.
  25. Team USA. (n.d.). U.S. Olympic & Paralympic Hall of Fame.
  26. Wikipedia. (n.d.). Pakistani cuisine.
  27. IPCC. (n.d.). Social and cultural norms around food eating practices.
  28. Country Studies. (n.d.). Pakistani social life revolves around family and kin.
  29. Facts and Details. (n.d.). FAMILIES IN PAKISTAN.
  30. ResearchGate. (n.d.). Exploring Causes, Effects and Possible Solutions of Traffic Congestion in Pakistan: The Case of Quetta Metropolitan City.
  31. Wikipedia. (n.d.). Traffic congestion.
  32. UCLA Institute of Transportation Studies. (n.d.). Traffic Congestion: Three Big Questions, Three Short Answers.
  33. Arab News. (n.d.). By utilizing drone surveillance, we aim to reduce violations, ease traffic congestion and ensure the safety of all road user.
  34. D+C Development and Cooperation. (n.d.). Rural communities generally lack good public services and have too few economic opportunities.
  35. NC State University. (n.d.). You Decide: Can We Begin to Close the Urban-Rural Divide in 2021?.
  36. PakObserver. (n.d.). Pakistan: The Urban-Rural Education Divide.
  37. AgriEconomist. (n.d.). Bridging the Healthcare Gap in Rural Pakistan.
  38. PAHO. (n.d.). Non-communicable diseases (NCDs) are responsible for 3.9 million deaths each year in the Region of the Americas, representing ¾ of all deaths.
  39. PLOS ONE. (n.d.). Among all NCDs, hypertension has the highest prevalence (29.2%), showing a significant difference between females (32.7%) and males (25.0%).
  40. World Bank. (n.d.). Aging changes in Pakistan’s demography will increase the burden of NCDs.
  41. AHA. (n.d.). Report examines racial and ethnic disparities in health, health care access.
  42. PMC. (n.d.). The prevalence of self-medication in males and females in Karachi is found to be 84.8% (males 88.4% and females 81.2%).
  43. Annals ASHKMDC. (n.d.). The prevalence of self-medication was found to be 43.6%.
  44. YouGov. (n.d.). Nearly two in five consumers prefer to self-medicate simply because it worked for them earlier.
  45. Becker’s Hospital Review. (n.d.). 2 in 5 patients prefer to self-medicate.
  46. PBS NewsHour. (n.d.). The curse of God: Stigma of mental illness in Pakistan.
  47. CDC. (n.d.). Mental Health Stigma.
  48. NCOA. (n.d.). Mental Health Stigma: Changing the Conversation.
  49. Human Rights Watch. (2016, September 27). Crooked System: Police Abuse and Reform in Pakistan.
  50. ResearchGate. (n.d.). Public Perceptions of Police Service Quality: Empirical Evidence from Pakistan.
  51. Accountability Lab Pakistan. (n.d.). Is delayed justice breaking Pakistan’s legal system?. Retrieved from YouTube.
  52. ResearchGate. (n.d.). Pendency of Cases in Pakistan: Causes and Consequences.
  53. The Friday Times. (n.d.). Justice Delayed: The Tragic Consequences of Pakistan’s Legal System Crisis.
  54. Human Rights Asia. (n.d.). Unfortunately, today’s Pakistan presents a typical example of this maxim because the judicial system of the country is so slow and lethargic that for a case started by a grandfather, his grandson would be able to get the verdict.
  55. Advance LRF. (n.d.). The criminal justice system (CJS) serves as the backbone of any society, ensuring law enforcement, judicial fairness, and penal rehabilitation.
  56. The Critical Thinking Institute. (n.d.). 5 Reasons Education Fails Critical Thinking.
  57. Reboot Foundation. (n.d.). The State of Critical Thinking 2020.
Posted on by Sandeep

One Night Stand from reel life to real life

One Night Stand

One Night Stand:
A Global Snapshot of Hook-up Culture
From Hollywood Glamour to Asian Nuance

From the shimmering lights of Hollywood to the bustling streets of Tokyo, the “one night stand” – a fleeting sexual encounter between casual acquaintances – has long captivated popular imagination.

The casual hookups or one night stand is often depicted in reel life with a mix of spontaneous romance and morning-after awkwardness in Western media. However, the real life or the reality of such encounters, and their prevalence, varies dramatically across the globe. The fact remains as to how much of this on-screen drama reflects everyday life, and where do cultural lines draw the difference?

The Western Experience: A Common Reality

In the United States and Europe, the Hollywood portrayal of one-night stands initiated over casual drinks in a bar is, to a surprising extent, an everyday reality for many. Data (See at the bottom for reference) consistently shows that a significant portion of the population in these regions has engaged in at least one casual hookup or one-night stand.

Key takeaways of Real Life from the West:

  • High Prevalence: Studies indicate that roughly half to two-thirds of adults in the US and Western Europe have had at least one casual hookup. For those who have, the numbers can be quite high, with American men reporting an average of 7 and women around 6 such encounters.
  • Bars Remain King: Despite the rise of dating apps, traditional social settings like bars and parties remain primary venues for these encounters, accounting for a substantial percentage of hookups.
  • Alcohol’s Influence: Alcohol consumption is strongly linked to an increased likelihood of casual sex, often lowering inhibitions and, in some cases, leading to less safe practices.
  • Hollywood vs. Reality: While common, the real-life experience often lacks the glamorization seen on screen. It can be awkward, and participants frequently report feelings of guilt or anxiety, rather than just satisfaction. The motivations are also more complex, ranging from pure physical desire to a subconscious hope for something more.
  • Europe’s Nuances: While broadly similar to the US in prevalence, Europe’s cultural diversity means subtle differences exist. “Dating” might be less formalized, relationships can evolve organically, and public displays of affection vary. Some Nordic countries and the UK report high numbers of sexual partners, while regions like Spain also exhibit a prominent hookup culture.

The Asian Perspective: Tradition Meets Modernity

Shifting to Asia, countries like India, Japan, and Singapore present a far more conservative and nuanced picture of casual sex. While the globalized world and dating apps are introducing new dynamics, deeply rooted cultural values and social norms significantly influence how these encounters occur and are perceived.

India:

  • Strong Taboos: India’s traditional values heavily emphasize marriage, family honor, and female virginity before marriage. Premarital sex, especially for women, has historically carried significant social stigma.
  • Hidden Realities: Despite these norms, urban centers are seeing shifts. Some reports, albeit from specific contexts, suggest that casual sex and one-night stands are occurring, often with extreme discretion to avoid social repercussions. Alcohol in party settings can also be a factor.
  • Marriage-Centric: For many, the ultimate goal of a relationship remains marriage, and casual encounters are generally not seen as a pathway to commitment.

Japan:

  • Structured Dating: Japan typically has a more intentional dating culture. Relationships often progress from a formal “kokuhaku” (confession of feelings) before physical intimacy.
  • Less Public Affection: Public displays of affection are rare, reinforcing a private approach to intimacy.
  • Discreet Hookups: While a “hookup culture” exists, often via dating apps, it is far more discreet and less overtly integrated into mainstream social life compared to the West. Overall, studies have indicated lower reported levels of sexual activity in Japan compared to Western nations.

Singapore:

  • East-West Hybrid: Singapore offers a unique blend of modern cosmopolitanism and traditional Asian values. This creates a more open, yet still respectful, environment for casual dating.
  • Growing Acceptance: Studies indicate that a majority of Singaporeans are involved in casual dating, and the “hookup culture” is increasingly pervasive, particularly among youth and facilitated by online apps.
  • Discretion and Nuance: While casual encounters are happening, there’s still a general respect for social norms, and discretion is maintained. Interestingly, some suggest Singaporeans often appreciate a degree of emotional connection even in casual hookups.

The Global Takeaway on Casual Hookups

Ultimately, while the Hollywood depiction of spontaneous encounters in a bar holds significant truth in the West, it is far from a universal reality. In many Asian societies, the concept of a one-night stand is navigated through a lens of stronger traditional values, greater discretion, and often, a different set of expectations for relationships and intimacy. The world of casual encounters is as diverse as the cultures that inhabit it, constantly evolving with changing social norms and technological advancements.

References/Data Source on One Night Stand:

1. General Social Survey (GSS) – USA:

The GSS, conducted since 1972 by NORC at the University of Chicago, includes questions on sexual behavior.
Studies based on GSS data have shown that a significant number of Americans report having had at least one casual sexual encounter or one-night stand. For example, in studies from the 2000s and 2010s, 50–60% of unmarried adults in their 20s and 30s reported at least one casual sex partner.

2. National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles (Natsal) – UK:

This is a major British survey, conducted roughly every 10 years (most recently Natsal-3 in 2010–2012).
It found that 38% of men and 24% of women in the UK reported at least one one-night stand in their lifetime.
Younger age groups (18–30) had higher rates of casual sex compared to older groups.

3. European and North American University Studies:

Numerous studies among college/university students show that hookup culture is prevalent. A study in the Journal of Adolescent Health (2013) found that around 70% of US college students reported at least one hookup by their third year. Similar trends are seen in Canadian, Dutch, and Scandinavian student populations.

4. Academic Books & Journals:

“American Hookup” by Lisa Wade (2017) analyzes hookup culture in US colleges and supports the idea that casual sex — often initiated via alcohol and bars — is normalized in certain demographics.
Peer-reviewed articles in journals like Archives of Sexual Behavior and Sexuality Research and Social Policy have examined these behaviors in both Europe and the US.

Posted on by Sandeep

How to Save a Failing Marriage?

Striking at the Pandemic of Divorce: A Step-by-Step Guide to Relational Resilience

The rising tide of divorce is not merely a statistical trend; it is a profound human tragedy. Deep inquiry has revealed that beyond superficial disagreements, the deepest fissures in relationships often form when life’s most potent and personal “compartments”—money, sex, religion, and politics—are allowed to rigidly “marry” each other. When their distinct “rules” are conflated, they create a fertile ground for “discomfort, unnecessary arguments, despair, and ultimately, divorce.”

This guide offers a practical, step-by-step approach to managing these sensitive areas, transforming them from potential battlegrounds into foundations for lasting harmony and shared “fun.” A healthy relationship is a matter of management. But relationship is not managed in abstract. It involves management of Money, Sex and Religion or acts related to these three arena of life.

Part 1: Cultivating Financial Fortitude & Strategic Management (The Money Game)

The Principle: “Respect money and wealth, but hate debt.” Ensure your “chips” are always available, not just for personal comfort, but for shared resilience.

Step 1: Build Your Financial Sanctuary (The Unemployment Fund & Emergency Buffer)

  • Action: Immediately prioritize saving 6-12 months of your essential living expenses. Aim for the 10-month target, if possible to create an Emergency Fund.
  • How: Set up automated transfers to a separate savings account that is not easily accessible (e.g., no attached debit card, perhaps even at a different bank). Treat this transfer like a non-negotiable bill.
  • Why: This fund is your absolute shield against desperation. It ensures that unforeseen events (job loss, medical emergency) don’t force you into “hateful debt,” which is a leading cause of arguments, despair, and divorce. It buys you peace of mind and time to adapt without panic. If no emergency like unemployment or sickness arise and if invested properly, this will be a corpus on which foundation of future will be laid.

Step 2: Master Lifestyle Control & Conscious Consumption

  • Action: Regularly audit your spending. Question every purchase, particularly non-essentials. Prioritize “real and immediate” needs over accumulating “things you never use.”
  • How: Resist the urge to automatically upgrade your lifestyle as income increases. Embrace a “low profile” where perceived status doesn’t dictate spending. For new families, question the immediate need for significant expenses like a dedicated nursery; prioritize safe room-sharing (as common in India) and core needs.
  • Why: This prevents “lifestyle inflation,” which locks you into higher fixed costs and depletes your “chips.” Avoiding unnecessary expenses frees up resources for genuine security and allows you to sidestep the “heartbreak” of having to downsize later if income fluctuates. It’s the antidote to “Fools Folly.”

Step 3: Practice Financial Strategic Ambiguity (The “Revealed Concealment”)

  • Action: In your relationship, maintain open dialogue about shared financial goals (e.g., saving for a home, retirement), shared contributions to household expenses, and joint financial responsibilities. However, for individual earnings beyond agreed-upon contributions, respectfully establish a boundary of privacy regarding precise figures. Do not reveal exact amount of income.
  • How: Communicate this boundary clearly and consistently: “We are partners in our financial future, and we’ll openly discuss our shared goals and contributions. My exact income, however, is a personal detail I prefer not to discuss.” Ensure mutual agreement on this boundary.
  • Why: This prevents the “rigid mathematics” of income from creating “expectations and heartburning.” It fosters individual financial responsibility and trust in contribution, rather than comparison or demands based on perceived earning capacity.

Part 2: Navigating Intimacy & Personal Space (Sex & Religion)

The Principle: Respect the distinct nature of personal experience, fostering genuine connection through voluntariness and understanding, not imposition.

Step 4: Cultivate Open & Ongoing Dialogue on Sexual Synchronicity

  • Action: Prioritize regular, honest, and empathetic conversations about your sexual relationship. Discuss desires, boundaries, comfort levels, and evolving preferences.
  • How: Recognize that sexual connection is a “game” that requires continuous “thought” and “practice” from both players. Avoid assumptions. Focus on mutual pleasure and understanding, not performance metrics.
  • Why: Ensures the sexual relationship remains a source of mutual joy and connection, rather than a space for unmet expectations, resentment, or external comparisons that can lead to “heartburning.”

Step 5: Distinguish Faith from Ritual & Respect Individual Spiritual Paths

  • Action: Acknowledge and genuinely respect your partner’s internal faith, spiritual journey, or lack thereof. Understand that their personal connection to their beliefs is distinct from how they choose to express it outwardly.
  • How: Discuss religious practices and rituals separately from core beliefs. Agree on which, if any, rituals will be shared family practices (like Diwali), and for which individual participation is acceptable.
  • Why: Prevents conflict stemming from differing core beliefs. It recognizes that forcing belief or participation in rituals is futile and damaging to authentic connection.

Step 6: Embrace “No Sticks, Limited Carrots” for Ritual Participation

  • Action: Absolutely avoid coercion, guilt-tripping, shaming, or emotional manipulation to force your partner into religious rituals. Accept their choice not to participate. If inviting, do so gently and respectfully, acknowledging their autonomy.
  • How: If you wish for a partner’s presence, express it as a desire for shared experience (“I’d love for you to join me if you feel comfortable”) rather than a demand (“You must come”). Understand that even positive inducements (“I will cook this for you”) have limited long-term effect on genuine adult participation.
  • Why: Preserves individual freedom and prevents resentment from forced conformity. It prioritizes relational peace and love over rigid adherence to external practices.

Part 3: Managing External Influences (Politics)

The Principle: Protect intimate relationships from the divisive nature of ideological battles, prioritizing harmony over conversion.

Step 7: Implement Strategic Political Disengagement in Your Personal Sphere

  • Action: Identify when political discussions with your partner, family, or close friends become destructive. Mutually agree to “keep your mouths shut” on highly contentious topics to preserve the relationship.
  • How: Recognize that political views are often deeply ingrained. Focus on areas of shared values or interests rather than attempting to debate or convert. Agree to disagree respectfully.
  • Why: Prevents political ideology from becoming a relentless source of “heartburning” and division within your most intimate bonds. It acknowledges that continuous ideological warfare is incompatible with lasting peace.

Step 8: Abandon the “Savior Complex” for Personal Relationships

  • Action: Understand that your primary role within your marriage is to be a partner, not a political activist tasked with converting your spouse. Leave the work of broad political change to “professional politicians” and broader societal movements.
  • How: Resist the urge to constantly critique or challenge your partner’s political views. Focus your energy on building and nurturing your shared life together, rather than on ideological crusades within your home.
  • Why: Protects the relationship from the immense strain of ideological friction. It acknowledges that sacrificing marital harmony for the sake of political conformity is a self-defeating strategy.

Conclusion: The Shared Fun of a Well-Managed Life

The pandemic of divorce is a brutal reality, stemming from a fundamental misunderstanding of how these powerful forces—money, sex, religion, and politics—interact within the delicate ecosystem of a relationship. When treated as rigid, all-encompassing demands rather than distinct compartments to be managed with wisdom and respect for individual autonomy, they inevitably lead to conflict and breakdown.

The ultimate wisdom guiding this entire framework is profoundly simple:

“If you think life is for fun it cannot be your fun alone.”

True joy, fulfillment, and lasting peace are inherently shared. By consciously managing your “chips,” fostering authentic intimacy, respecting individual spiritual paths, and prioritizing relational harmony over political dogma, you are not just avoiding the pitfalls of divorce. You are actively building a life where “fun” and well-being are amplified through mutual respect, understanding, and the profound shared journey of a resilient partnership. This is how we collectively “strike at the pandemic of divorce” and cultivate a more harmonious society, one relationship at a time.

Posted on by Sandeep · 1 Comment

Why everything has to be kadak or strong in India

India is kadak

Why Everything is Kadak in India

Introduction

Why do we Indians like everything kadak — strong, intense, bold? Kadak tea. Kadak coffee. Kadak spices. Even our arguments, politics, and cinema are kadak. This isn’t just about taste — it’s about culture, geography, and history.

India is not a subtle country. It’s colorful, noisy, crowded, and alive. From Bollywood to biryani, we’re a culture of maximalism. Our taste buds mirror our lives: intense, contrasting, immersive. Bland doesn’t register. Kadak makes its presence felt.

1. Climate & Geography

In hot, humid, or unpredictable climates like much of India, strong flavors survive better. Mild tea gets diluted in the heat. Weak coffee feels watery. Spices help preserve food and stimulate appetite. Kadak things don’t just survive Indian weather — they thrive in it.

2. Cultural Stoicism

Generations raised with struggle — colonialism, scarcity, and chaos — built a taste for resilience. (Kadak chai) Strong Tea or strong coffee is more than a drink — it’s a ritual of recovery. A small burst of strength in the middle of a long day. You don’t sip it — you brace for it. No wonder the popular leaders are always kadak or strong. Docile fall from grace.

3. Politics in India

India’s politics isn’t served mild. It’s kadak—bold, fiery, unapologetic. It crackles with passion, ideology, and relentless street-level energy. Every speech is a performance, every alliance a tactical tango. From tea stalls in Lucknow to panel debates in Delhi, politics isn’t a passive conversation—it’s theatrical, layered, and deeply personal. Voters don’t just observe the drama; they live it. Allegiances are stitched with emotion, history, and community pride.

What makes it truly kadak is its range. Parliament debates oscillate between razor-sharp logic and poetic jabs. Grassroots campaigns blend mythological metaphors with cutting-edge tech. Leaders spar, woo, and mobilize millions with slogans that burn into memory. Whether it’s an impassioned rally in West Bengal or the quiet calculus of coalition-building in Tamil Nadu, politics here is woven into every chai break, WhatsApp forward, and festival gathering.

The spice level isn’t just rhetorical—it’s real. Caste, religion, language, and region are complex ingredients in a constantly simmering pot. The heat flares during elections, cools in the corridors of power, and then flares again in late-night television showdowns. Dissent can be sharp, satire sharper. Yet, beneath the flamboyance lies serious strategy—an endless push-pull between populism and policy, symbolism and governance.

In India, even silence in politics speaks volumes—pregnant pauses during interviews, cryptic social media posts, or sudden reshuffles whisper of behind-the-scenes intrigue. It’s a political culture that rewards resilience, theatrics, and a keen sense of timing. Late Atal Bihari Vajpayee was master of ‘Pauses’ when not articulating politics with subtle humour.

India has the electorate which is the largest in the world. In fact India has more electors than those in all the democratic countries in the world combines. But kadak politics isn’t just about volume—it’s about flavor. It’s the taste of complexity, contradiction, and charisma served sizzling hot, and it leaves an aftertaste you won’t forget.

4. Sensory Saturation and Kadak Philosphy

India’s kadak philosophies are as layered as its spices—fiery, profound, and paradoxical. At one end, there’s hath yoga—an intense pursuit of balance through breath, discipline, and postures that tame both body and mind. It’s the quiet heat of inner mastery, demanding patience and grit. On the other end lies the unbothered boldness of Charvaka thought: “Rinām kṛtvā ghṛtam pibet”—borrow money and drink ghee. Why fret the afterlife when this one deserves indulgence?

This is India at its intellectual peak—where spiritual rigor coexists with audacious skepticism, and restraint dances with rebellion. Kadak, in this sense, isn’t about choosing sides; it’s the coexistence of extremes. One philosophy might chase transcendence through silence, while another celebrates the taste of ghee with debt-fueled abandon. Yet both are unapologetically Indian.

It’s a mental landscape where contradictions aren’t diluted—they’re embraced. Spice of thought? Scorching. Satisfying. Endlessly kadak.

5. Kadak Cinema

India’s kadak cinema hits with intensity and leaves no flavor untasted. It’s storytelling with swagger—bold, unapologetic, and bursting with emotion. From gritty social dramas to hyper-color masala blockbusters, kadak cinema doesn’t whisper, it roars. Dialogues are punchy, characters layered, and even silence hums with tension. Directors wield symbolism like spice, crafting scenes that can be as delicate as saffron or as fiery as red chili.

It’s not just Bollywood either—regional films from Tamil Nadu, Maharashtra, Kerala, and beyond bring their own kadak flair. Think explosive action, lyrical romance, searing political critiques—all served with cinematic flourish. Audiences don’t just watch, they immerse, react, and celebrate every twist. Exaggeration is the new normal of Cenema in India.

Whether it’s a slow-burn indie or a box-office juggernaut, kadak cinema stands tall as an art form that dares, dances, and dives deep. It’s visual drama with edge and soul—scripted spice for the big screen

6. Colonial Inheritance

The British gave us tea — we made it strong, milky, and sweet. Why? Because that’s how you get your money’s worth from cheap dust tea. It wasn’t luxury. It was economics. Over time, it became habit. Then identity. Of Course now there is green tea without milk and sugar is also very popular in urban elite.

Then came Coffee and we made it Espresso. There is also very popular flavors of cold Coffee sharing the racks with cold Milk. Then there is hot cocktail of tea and Coffee.

7. The Kadak Costumes

India’s kadak costumes are pure visual fireworks—radiant, unapologetic, and steeped in centuries of cultural finesse. From neon turbans in Punjab to shimmering saris in Gujarat, every thread sings a story. It’s not just fashion; it’s expression, woven with spiritual symbolism, regional pride, and theatrical flair. Wedding lehengas blaze like summer sunsets, festival attire glitters with mirror work and embroidery, and even everyday kurtas come alive with dyes that defy monochrome logic.

So when Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau wore traditional Indian outfits on his 2018 trip, hoping to pay homage, what stood out wasn’t cultural appreciation—but excess. Critics argued he mistook aesthetic richness for ceremonial necessity, stepping into spaces dressed as the performance, not the guest. The clothes were kadak, but the moment blurred intent and impact.

In India, costume isn’t superficial—it’s substance wrapped in style. But knowing when and why to wear it? That’s part of the spice, too. Right spice in right combination and volume is the key of a good Indian cuisine.

Conclusion

Kadak as Philosophy

Maybe kadak isn’t just about taste. Maybe it’s our emotional default. Our conversations are kadak. Our arguments, street fights, our politics, our metaphors — all kadak. We don’t just live life. We live it bold, burning, unforgettable.

You could say: ‘In India, even silence has a spice level.’

Posted on by Sandeep

India: A destination for talking tourism

The Conversation as Destination: Talking Tourism in India

Tourism in India is 4.6% of the country’s gross domestic product. Unlike other sectors, tourism is not a priority sector for the Government of India. The World Travel and Tourism Council calculated that tourism generated ₹13.2 lakh crore or 5.8% of India’s GDP and supported 32.1 million jobs in 2021. Even though, these numbers were lower than the pre-pandemic figures; the country’s economy witnessed a significant growth in 2021 after the massive downturn during 2020.With hardly any support from the Government, How the tourism in India keeps its growth?

🚐 Why Some Travelers Come To India Just to Talk

In India, conversation is more than background noise. It’s the main feature. People travel to India to discover historical locations but the travelers who return often aren’t always drawn by the sights, but by something less tangible: the joy of spontaneous, unfiltered human connection.

“I come to India to talk to human beings. I no longer feel lonely here.” — A traveler in Varanasi

They may not speak perfect Hindi, and locals may not speak fluent English. Yet, both parties understand enough to create a language all their own — a khichadi of words, emotion, and gesture that carries meaning beyond grammar.

👩‍🌾 The Agricultural Root of Loud Speech

In India, over half the population is still engaged in agriculture. Generations have spent their lives calling across fields, terraces, and wells. Voices had to travel long distances. Speaking loudly wasn’t impolite — it was practical. That legacy lives on. Even in cities, conversation remains open, loud, and often communal. And travelers feel it.

🚶 Talking in Motion: The Rickshaw Story

In the old days of hand-pulled rickshaws, one driver chatted nonstop with a Western couple about his family. The couple smiled and said, “Good, good,” while taking in the sights. When they stopped responding, he fell silent, disappointed. They noticed and said, “Nahi! Aur batao!” They didn’t understand the language fully — but they understood the feeling of being related to.

🌟 Ghats and Namaskars: The Sacred Stage

On riverbanks like those in Varanasi, people sit on stone steps, palms together in namaskar, nodding gently at strangers. A conversation begins without introductions. No guides, no apps. Just presence, silence, and sudden dialogue. India offers not just destinations — it offers voices. It lends ears. No time bank. Just real concern with real people.

🏞️ Language of Connection, Not Perfection

People speak in improvised blends:

  • “Aap come karo.”
  • “Yeh side full mast.”
  • “No worry, you sit here.”

This is not broken English. It’s functional warmth. A language born from the desire to connect. It is Hinglish.

❗ With No Axe to Grind

Many Indian conversations start with no agenda. A chaiwala, a cab driver, a pilgrim at the temple might ask personal questions not out of intrusion, but curiosity. There’s often no commercial or political motive — just the joy of talking. In a world of guarded interactions, this openness is a balm. Travelers come back to India again and again for this healing balm. Off course there are scammers but they are easy to spot. An out of place Gold Chain or bracelet or watch. An odd looking phone. Sartorial choice of extremely bright colours. Arrogant gestures to others. These are all tell tale signs of scammers.

🔁 They Come Back

  • Not for the temples, but for the tea vendor who remembered their name.
  • Not for yoga, but for the auntie who asked, “Beta, sab theek?”
  • Not for the views, but for the voices.

🌍 Final Thought: When Conversation Becomes the Destination

India doesn’t just show you itself. It is hardly about diverse culture or exotic food or historical locations. India talks to you. And in a world where more people are speaking to screens than to souls, India becomes the place where strangers become storytellers, and conversation becomes the most unforgettable part of the journey.

And, You Are Welcome!