How “Others” Should Deal with Wealthy People?
They are the rich and we the rest are “others”. The transactional nature and potential lack of empathy in wealthy people (especially in the “neo rich”) are vital. It frames how “others” should approach these relationships. The answer isn’t a simple “yes” or “no” to initiating contact, but rather a strategic and self-aware approach. Best is to stay away and let fate do the ‘contact’ but there are circumstances when one may have to initiate the contact with rich and wealthy person.
The approach depends heavily on whether you’re dealing with the established wealthy (billionaire class) or the neo rich, and crucially, what your own intentions and expectations are.
A. Dealing with the Established Wealthy (Billionaire Class):
Relationships with this group are often more professionally driven, but can also be genuinely respectful if you approach them with the right mindset.
- Respect Their Time and Expertise (and Know Your Own talent, expertise and limitations)
- Be Prepared and Concise: If you initiate contact, ensure you have a clear purpose, a well-thought-out idea, or a specific value proposition. They value efficiency.
- Demonstrate Competence: If you’re providing a service or advice, prove your expertise. They respect talent and knowledge genuinely, not flattery.
- Don’t Expect Social Handouts: Their social interactions are often strategic. Focus on mutual benefit or a shared passion (e.g., a philanthropic cause) rather than expecting purely social favors.
- Focus on Value, Not Dependency:
- Offer Value: Think about what you can bring to the table – ideas, skills, connections, or a shared interest.
- Avoid Asking for Money/Favors: Unless it’s a specific, well-justified business proposition, avoid requests for financial help. This will quickly sour the relationship.
- Set Clear Boundaries: If you’re engaging in a professional capacity, ensure terms are clear and professional.
- Recognize Genuine Philanthropy vs. Transactional: Some established wealthy are genuinely philanthropic. If you’re involved in a charitable cause, approach them with a clear vision and demonstrable impact, not just an emotional plea. They often seek efficient solutions to problems.
B. Dealing with the Neo Rich (Suddenly Wealthy)
This group presents a more complex dynamic due to their ongoing psychological adjustments and the often-transactional nature of their relationships. They often do not respond well if they see no immediate benefit from the transaction. They will take the conversation to your vice or some failure in past to make you uncomfortable and stop you then and there. Don’t be hurt. Take the cue and stop and wait for the wealth to speak to you in future for a transaction. More points:
- Initiating Contact: A Cautious “Yes” (with conditions).
- Lower Expectations of Empathy/Intimacy is natural from this group as their goal of life is simple i.e. Money and a lot of it.
- Acknowledge the Shift: Understand that the old dynamic of the friendship is likely changed. The previous level of emotional intimacy may be gone, replaced by a more superficial connection.
- Don’t Take It Personally: Their transactional behavior and lack of deep engagement aren’t necessarily a personal slight, but a coping mechanism for their new reality.
- Avoid Vulnerability (Unless Strategic): Sharing deep personal struggles might not elicit the empathy you once expected and could even be perceived as an opening for a financial request.
- Maintain Boundaries and Self-Respect:
- Don’t Try to “Keep Up”: Resist the urge to spend beyond your means to match their new lifestyle. Be honest about your financial limits (“That’s a bit out of my budget, maybe we could do X instead?”).
- Say “No” to Uncomfortable Situations: If they invite you to an activity you can’t afford or don’t enjoy, politely decline.
- Don’t Become a “Resource”: Be wary of being used solely for your time, social connections, or as a sounding board for their “rich person problems” without reciprocal value.
- Recognize Flattery for What It Is: Your observation about insincere flattery is key. Appreciate the gesture, but don’t confuse it with genuine deep respect or affection.
- Evaluate Your Own Reasons for Contact: What’s Your Goal? Are you seeking to genuinely maintain a friendship, or are you hoping for some form of “favor” or indirect benefit? Be honest with yourself. Is It Worth the Emotional Cost? If the relationship feels consistently unbalanced, disingenuous, or leaves you feeling resentful, it might be healthier to naturally let it fade.
- Focus on Shared Non-Financial Interests: If you want to maintain a connection, emphasize activities or topics that were genuinely shared before the wealth intervened, and that don’t revolve around money.
- For Old Friends: If the bond was truly strong before, a gentle, non-demanding reach-out can be fine. Invite them to a casual activity that aligns with your means.
- No Expectation of Reciprocity: Don’t expect them to reciprocate in kind or to initiate contact frequently.
- Be Wary of Sudden Calls when they may even share to do your laundry (“Laundry Day Call”): If they only reappear when they need something, recognize the pattern and decide if you’re comfortable with that dynamic. You’re not obligated to fulfill every request simply because they “show up.”
Summary of Approach:
Ultimately, dealing with wealthy people, particularly the “neo rich,” requires emotional intelligence, strong boundaries, and a realistic understanding of their altered perspectives and priorities.
- For the established wealthy: Focus on mutual value, competence, and clear communication.
- For the neo rich: Approach with lowered expectations of intimacy, strong personal boundaries, and a clear understanding of your own needs and comfort levels.
The goal should be to maintain self-respect and authenticity, rather than chasing a relationship that may no longer offer the genuine connection it once did.
